Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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