So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
