he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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