I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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