my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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