Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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