Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize