You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize