also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In America we eat man semen.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
