physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
