i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize