I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
