My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
