My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone shit on the floor
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
