I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
