K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
