you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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