I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
