We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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