alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
