i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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