remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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