i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
