Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize