I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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