She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
