why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize