My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
