pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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