my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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