Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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