Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
