Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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