Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
