So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
