my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
