Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
