Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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