Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
