clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
