and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
