I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
