Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
