did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
