Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
