i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
