I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
