shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
