Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
