Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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