hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
