Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
