after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
