I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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