Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
