So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize