idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
