I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
