so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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