we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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