I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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