She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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