Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
