I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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