i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
