I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
