I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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