So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
