Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
